I'm jealous of your bromance
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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