conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
