escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
