I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
