good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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