Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
