I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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