I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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