Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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