She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize