So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
