and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
People in love make me want to vomit
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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