Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
