I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
