Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize