Sry I called you an 8
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize