He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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