No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize