my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
