Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
