Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
