I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
