I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
