went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
