I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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