turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
