if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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