Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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