I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
