i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
