butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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