fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
