Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
