is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
