Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
