Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize