my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize