90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Randomize
