I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
