This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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