At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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