oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this hospital has no fireball
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
