I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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