You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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