After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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