i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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