either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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