I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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