yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
