my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
