and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was confusing and full of hummus
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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