I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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