We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
