Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
