Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
