This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
