i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
