Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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