im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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