I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
