I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
why is half of my head shaved?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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