Sacagawea was the original milf.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize