I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
