Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
