grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
