just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
