I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
