apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
