I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
