Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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