Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
