i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
