oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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