I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
