peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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