he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
