Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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