I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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