Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
