You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
