At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
