is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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