His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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