after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So. Much. Porn.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize