i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
as a side note pls kill me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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