So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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