So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
