Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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