How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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