I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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