Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
