If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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