I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
