We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
