He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
