She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
