Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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