Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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