I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
These tits shall not be calmed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
