try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
