You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
