I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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