He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
