I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're like the curious george of whores
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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