She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize